North Korea, Best Korea!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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