rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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