The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
