Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
