david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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