I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
