From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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