I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just cut my nipple shaving
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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