there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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