I want you more than these girls want KFC
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
