yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
