Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
