the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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