hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
