Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
