And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
