Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
