This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
