Im at strip club and am horny
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
