that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
