It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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