I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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