K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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