6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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