You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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