Welp...herpes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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