I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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