margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
