Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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