Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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