i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
