So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
