Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
