i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
