Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
