4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Text me some of your sweat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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