ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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