Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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