well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
