she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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