There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
