I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
