My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
