im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
