Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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