we're chasing vodka with high fives
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Life is so much better after having sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
