trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
