You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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