So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
