i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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